


Go Away.

by b_ndito



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Actually I Guess It's More Of Dammek That's Bad At Feelings, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, But Xefros Is Too, Developing Relationship, Eventual relationship, M/M, Psychic Abilities, Quadrant Vacillation, Slow Burn, Swearing, These Boys Are Bad At Feelings, Troll Version Of Deadpool Because I'm Self-Indulgent, Unresolved Emotional Tension, when i say slow burn i mean slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-02-03 05:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12742125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b_ndito/pseuds/b_ndito
Summary: Being moirails, kissing and cuddling would be seen as inappropriate, or at the very least, pushing the very boundaries of the quadrant altogether. Dammek never really cared about the quadrants like that, though. If he wanted to hold his moirail's hand and all that cheesy shit? Well damn it, why could he not? What was the harm? Xefros might've cared about quadrant norms, but Dammek didn't.He had it bad. As difficult as it was to push the thought away, he definitely had it bad. He had never experienced flushed feelings before. What was he supposed to do?





	1. Chapter 1

Pacing. He was pacing now. Why the _fuck_ was this making him so nervous? Maybe he was just letting his paranoia get to him. He was letting it get to him, just like he always did. Glancing back to his communication device, his stomach turned at the sight of the messages on the screen. If Rebelgram was indeed monitored by a third party, they were undoubtedly laughing their asses off.

 

 **XEFROS:** did i mess up again? X:(  
**XEFROS:** or  
**XEFROS:** or is this a test? oh man. i forgot again didn't i?  
**DAMMEK:** n0 its n0t a test. but iF it was this w0ud be pretty bad. luckily we're n0t in any danger. at least n0t yet anyways.  
**DAMMEK:** i t0ld y0u that y0u need t0 be m0re careFul xeFr0s. its n0t that diFFicult.  
**XEFROS:** oh. ok.  
**XEFROS:** sorry X:(  
**XEFROS:** but if that wasn't a test, what was it? were you being serious?  
**XEFROS:** ...  
**XEFROS:** or wait i get it!  
**DAMMEK:** y0u d0.  
**XEFROS:** ya!  
**DAMMEK:** 0h.  
**DAMMEK:** s0 then is there anything y0ud like to say.  
**DAMMEK:** any c0mments. id really like t0 kn0w.  
**DAMMEK:** its very imp0rtant.  
**XEFROS:** ya! i feel the Xact same way!  
**XEFROS:** X;)  
**DAMMEK:** xeFr0s i d0nt think y0u get it. nevermind.  
**XEFROS:** oh man. so then this really was a test X:(  
**XEFROS:** i forgot again.  
**XEFROS:** sorry.  
**XEFROS:** are you there?  
**XEFROS:** i'll try not to mess up neXt time!  
**XEFROS:** tetrarch?  
**XEFROS:** i'll give you some space. sorry i disappointed you.  
**XEFROS:** again X:(

 

Dammek had confessed that he was experiencing some red feelings towards Xefros, and the rust boy thought he was being tested. _Fuck. Just this one time, could he forget about the tests?_ No, he couldn't. Dammek had drilled it into Xefros' head that keeping things coded was the key to getting messages across. The last thing Xefros would've expected was an honest confession about emotions. That just was so... not like Dammek.

Angered, he decided that it was Xefros' fault, and not his. Xefros should've known that his message was meant to be taken literally. _Shouldn't he have known?_ The bronze troll flipped the screen around so the he couldn't see the messages any more. They were only making him feel worse. How was he supposed to confront Xefros? Should he even bother?

Dammek was well aware of Xefros' crush on him. At first he just found it amusing, but that was the extent of it. If anything, the only thing he hoped to gain out of it was further loyalty to the rebellion from Xefros. Of course, another perk to this would be a dedicated butler to boss around. With the rust troll horns-over-heels for him, he would never have to worry about cooking or chores or any of that ridiculousness.

Things had changed, however. The past few wipes, he was he was feeling... _different_ about it. It was a gut-wrenching 'different'. He was finding little things about Xefros to genuinely appreciate. His good-mannered attitude. How humble he could be. How excited he got when the topic came to Arena Stickball. The cute little face he made when he was concentrating on his telekinesis powers. _Oh god,_ Dammek thought. _Shit._

Being moirails, kissing and cuddling would be seen as inappropriate, or at the very least, pushing the very boundaries of the quadrant altogether. Dammek never really cared about the quadrants like that, though. If he wanted to hold his moirail's hand and all that cheesy shit? Well damn it, why could he not? What was the harm? Xefros might've cared about quadrant norms, but Dammek didn't.

He had it bad. As difficult as it was to push the thought away, _he definitely had it bad._ He had never experienced flushed feelings before. What was he supposed to do?

 

\----

 

Perhaps it was the stress he had been under lately, or perhaps it was just that he was running out of codes. Whatever it was, Xefros was certain that Dammek had been testing him. There was no way, not in a million sweeps, that they had a mutual flushcrush going on. No way! Dammek didn't have time for that kind of stuff. Besides, they were 'rails. Hypothetically speaking, even if he _did_ have red feeling for anyone - which Xefros highly doubted - the tetrarch boy would never come forward about it. He looked at quadrants a little differently.

Xefros loved the idea of quadrants. There were four to fill! Four different types of romance to experience. Like most trolls his age, he had filled his pale quadrant first. Moirails were said to be "fated friends", and so more often than not, two moirails would find each other and pursue their quadrant at a younger age, than, say, matesprites would.

That's what he and Dammek were: moirails. They had been together for as long as Xefros could remember. When they were younger, and when things were different, Dammek and Xefros always had each other's backs. If anything was troubling Xefros, Dammek was quick to comfort him. Similarly, if anything was troubling Dammek, Xefros was the first to know. For some reason, they had always been drawn to each other for that kind of support, and as time went on, they remained closer than ever. When the right time came along, Xefros had proposed a moirallegiance to Dammek, and the two had continued from there.

Although things were different now, with Dammek becoming increasingly controlling in nature, they still held up their quadrant. Xefros just brushed it off when he was refused a comforting pap or two. He knew how busy Dammek was. Aiding in the launch of a full scale rebellion probably didn't leave one enough time to worry about such things, which Xefros decided was okay.

However, Xefros had begun to feel differently about his moirail lately. _Well_ , maybe 'lately' should be replaced with 'for a long time now'. There were so many good things about Dammek that Xefros absolutely loved! Xefros loved how brave he was. Sometimes, he wished that he could be like that, too. Of course, if he were brave and smart like that, the two of them probably wouldn't have been moirails. After all, "opposites attract", right? He was mostly thankful for that difference among them.

There was a time when Xefros and Dammek were discussing typing quirks, back when they were younger and still trying to figure them out. The rust boy could mostly remember how the conversation had went down:

 

 **DAMMEK:**  well F0r my quirk i just th0ught hey why n0t reFerence my sign 0r whatever. a l0t 0F trolls d0 that i think.  
 **XEFROS:**  that's what i did, too! with all the X's and stuff.  
 **XEFROS:**  i'm still trying to figure out a face, though.  
 **DAMMEK:**  a Face.  
 **XEFROS:**  ya! like a little face to use. ive seen some trolls do that.   
 **XEFROS:** it'd just be something special to have, you know?  
 **DAMMEK:**  0h i kn0w what y0u mean.  
 **DAMMEK:**  like this. >:]  
 **DAMMEK:**  0r like.  
 **DAMMEK:**  :o)  
 **DAMMEK:**  :33   
 **DAMMEK:**  }:)  
 **DAMMEK:**  38)  
 **DAMMEK:**  0_0  
 **DAMMEK:**  (:B  
 **DAMMEK:**  yeah y0u sh0uld use 0ne.   
 **XEFROS:**  what about this X_X  
 **DAMMEK:**  n0 y0u l00k dead.  
 **XEFROS:**  oh you're right haha  
 **XEFROS:**  what about XvX  
 **DAMMEK:**  thats kind 0F creepy and y0u still l00k dead. n0.  
 **XEFROS:**  ok...  
 **XEFROS:**  this X:)  
 **XEFROS:**  hey are you there?  
 **XEFROS:**  dammek?  
 **DAMMEK:**  yeah use that 0ne. its nice.  
 **XEFROS:**  ok!  
 **XEFROS:**  i could also use this X:(  
 **DAMMEK:**  well that 0nes g00d t00 i guess.  
 **DAMMEK:**  but i like it when y0u smile.  
 **XEFROS:**  ok!  
 **XEFROS:**  X:)

 

He couldn't recall the rest of it. That incident had made him blush, although only a little. He wasn't sure why, but he liked it when the tetrarch said he liked it when he smiled. If that makes sense? It made Xefros feel a little warm feeling in his chest. He didn't know what to make of it at the time, he was a little too young to understand how crushes work.

Of course, upon growing up a little, Xefros was becoming more and more aware of his feelings. When he had been (literally) hanging out in his lusus's tree one time, he had glanced around the neighborhood and witnessed two trolls who were embracing just outside a hive. He watched as the boy troll took the girl troll by the hand, and they went inside the hive, chattering away. They appeared to be long-distance matesprites, from what he could tell. (Maybe they were catching up?) He couldn't really make out their words.

After witnessing it, he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be in a red quadrant with another troll. He was still too young, of course, to pursue such a quadrant, but that didn't stop him from wondering. What he did know, was that he had definitely taken a liking to boys over girls. So he could imagine that in the future, he would probably end up with boy troll. He had shifted around on the tree branch and now had Dammek's hive in his field of vision.

He let himself imagine that he was running up to Dammek's hive, and as he got closer, he imagined that Dammek would swing the door open and catch him in a big hug, much like the couple he had just witnessed. He imagined the two of them holding hands as they walked towards Dammek's hive, chattering much like the two matesprites. He imagined them sharing a small, light kiss before they went inside. And then he had fallen off of the tree branch.

Snapping back to the present, Xefros was growing a bit more worried. Dammek hadn't messaged him back after he failed the test, which probably meant that he was angry. The rust boy was sure that he had really screwed it up this time. _Maybe,_ he thought, _if I go and find a chore to do for him, he won't be so mad?_

He hadn't been to Dammek's hive too often. The exceptions were band practice and things like that, but he generally preferred not to hang out in that filthy nuclear bunker. The clutter really bothered him, especially since he was so adjusted to his tidy hive. He wouldn't spend his time there unless that was what the tetrarch wanted. Right now, Xefros was pretty sure that his presence wasn't wanted there at the moment, especially not after he had failed another test. He just hoped that it would blow over like it normally did: Dammek would ignore him for a while, then pay a surprise visit and criticize him for his ignorance. Except this time, it might take a few extra days of butlering to make up for this failure.

The red blood let out a sigh. He really admired Dammek, but sometimes it was so difficult to deal with him. Whenever Xefros messed up like this, he was met by sharp words and harsh put-downs. Which, in all actuality, he was accustomed to, with his position on the blood caste. Technically, as a bronze blood, Dammek had every right to say the things he did to Xefros. Even though he was only a rung higher than Xefros, and still considered just as disposable among the nobles, it was still Dammek's right by blood to say whatever the hell he wanted to him. Xefros's entire caste, the burgundy bloods, were the lowest in rank and had no rights. Their only purpose seemed to be playing the role of the servant or being killed for fun. Whichever came first.

Still, it was upsetting to hear such things from his moirail. They were supposed to support and pacify each other, not break each other down. Treating someone who was beneath you on the hemospectrum like that went directly against the ideals they were trying to fight. Dammek had put a lot on Xefros's shoulders. He expected Xefros to continue his work, should something happen to him. If he messed up just one little thing, that was enough to make Dammek go off on him about how he 'obviously wasn't taking this seriously and needed to grow the fuck up.'

Xefros stood up from the loungeplank. He decided to seek out his lusus for some comfort. Slowdad seemed to think that naps made everything better, and quite frankly, Xefros couldn't argue with that logic. He turned towards the window and could see a bit of sunlight poking through. It was getting late, and he could use the sleep. Maybe he would feel a little better about his screw-up tomorrow night.

Finding Slowdad snoozing in the corner of his respiteblock, the troll joined him by slumping his body against the beast. He was glad that he could sleep wherever he wanted, thanks to Dammek. Slowdad let out a friendly grunt, and turned on his side so that Xefros could lay more comfortably.

 

\----

 

  **DAMMEK:**  F0r the time being there will be n0 c0des.  
 **DAMMEK:**  can y0u c0mprehend that 0r d0 i need t0 dumb it d0wn F0r y0u.  
 **XEFROS:**  sure! no codes! got it.  
 **DAMMEK:**  s0 y0u understand that this is n0t a test.  
 **XEFROS:**  ya!  
 **DAMMEK:**  s0 y0ull take my w0rds literally then.  
 **DAMMEK:**  and actually give me a resp0nse that is als0 n0t in c0de.  
 **DAMMEK:**  because like i said there will be n0 m0re c0des until i say s0.  
 **DAMMEK:**  ive decided that the t0pic 0F discussi0n is saFe en0ugh F0r us t0 talk ab0ut with0ut c0ding everything.  
 **DAMMEK:**  please tell me that y0u understand what im telling y0u. i will n0t repeat myselF because 0F y0ur ign0rance.  
 **DAMMEK:**  answer me.  
 **XEFROS:**  sorry! slowdad was giving me issues.  
 **XEFROS:**  i understand, no codes X:)  
 **XEFROS:**  so we can just... talk normally?  
 **DAMMEK:**  i h0ped y0u w0uld've underst00d that. i gave y0u plenty 0F c0ntext.  
 **DAMMEK:**  yes. we are talking n0rmally. F0r the time being.  
 **XEFROS:**  ok! sorry.  
 **DAMMEK:** 0kay remember 0ur c0nversati0n Fr0m a Few days ag0.  
 **XEFROS:**  yes X:)  
 **XEFROS:**  ah well i think i remember  
 **XEFROS:** which conversation? we have a lot of those! X:0  
 **DAMMEK:** that wasnt a questi0n i was telling y0u t0 remember.   
 **DAMMEK:**  the imp0rtant thing we were talking ab0ut.  
 **XEFROS:**  we talk about a lot of important things  
 **XEFROS:** i don't remember which important thing i'm supposed to be remembering! X:( i'm sorry!  
 **DAMMEK:**  xeFr0s i swear y0u d0 this stupid shit 0n purp0se.   
 **DAMMEK:**  scr0ll up thr0ugh the text l0g until y0u Figure it 0ut. i speciFically menti0ned its imp0rtance.  
 **DAMMEK:**  y0u lack the capacity t0 retain even the simplest Fucking things.  
 **DAMMEK:**  even after i stated its imp0rtance. what are y0u g0ing t0 d0 when the real tests start. when its liFe 0r death.  
 **DAMMEK:**  ...  
 **DAMMEK:**  F0r Fucks sake xeFr0s. did y0u Find it.  
 **XEFROS:**  ya! i think i got it!  
 **XEFROS:**  you were all:  
 **XEFROS:**  "xeFr0s there is s0mething we have t0 discuss."  
 **XEFROS:**  and i was all:  
 **DAMMEK:**  st0p it.  
 **DAMMEK:**  i get the p0int. unlike y0u i d0n't have diFFiculty recalling such things.  
 **XEFROS:**  sorry tetrarch! X:(  
 **XEFROS:**  ok, i remember. what do you want me to do now?  
 **DAMMEK:**  this is getting ridicul0us.   
 **DAMMEK:**  xeFr0s.  
 **DAMMEK:**  i t0ld y0u that i was experiencing what y0u call a Flushcrush.  
 **DAMMEK:**  i t0ld y0u that my Flushed Feelings were speciFically inclined t0wards y0u. it was just s0mething i Felt sh0uld be addressed.  
 **DAMMEK:**  xeFr0s i really like y0u 0kay. i just th0ught y0u sh0uld be aware 0F this.  
 **DAMMEK:**  give me y0ur input.  
 **XEFROS:**  ...no codes?  
 **DAMMEK:**  did we n0t already establish that.   
 **XEFROS:**  no we did!  
 **DAMMEK:**  then give me y0ur input. is there anything y0ud like t0 say about it.  
 **DAMMEK:**  answer me.  
 **DAMMEK:**  xeFr0s.

 

A few minutes had gone by now, and there was still no reply from the rust troll. Dammek was getting frustrated at this point. He just needed to know what Xefros thought about this. It wasn't that hard for Xefros to say that he felt the same way and wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with him. It really wasn't that hard. All Dammek wanted was the confirmation. _That was all he wanted, right?_

The thing is, he already had that confirmation. Xefros's feelings were obvious, any troll with two working eyes and a pinch of common sense could figure that out. There were so many little cues that hinted at it.

He glanced at the monitor that displayed Xefros's hive on a live feed. He could see that the troll was in his respiteblock, pacing back and forth, fidgeting his hands every now and then. He watched as Xefros put his hands on his face, which was looking a bit flushed, and muttered something towards the ground. Even the way he was worrying about things was endearing to Dammek. It made his chest feel a little warm and fuzzy and- _I need to stop,_ he thought.

Dammek lifted his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a sigh. _What did he want, then?_ He didn't want to use quadrants to define where they stood with each other. Matespriteship would imply romance, of course, which was what Dammek wanted, but to pursue that quadrant they would have to give up their moirallegiance. Kismesissitude would imply that they were in competition with each other while simultaneously wanting to have make-out sessions. They had no use for auspisticism, being that it was just the two of them and they weren't caliginous towards each other.

Why did their society have to water things down to four feelings? It was so _petty_. Dammek just wanted to spend time with Xefros, the same as they usually did, still being bros, but with more cuddling. _Dammek wanted to cuddle. With Xefros. He wanted to be sitting on a loungeplank, watching a movie, with Xefros laying on him. Of all things an apathetic asshole could want, he wanted to cuddle._

He was beginning to feel sick. Why did he feel like this? He didn't have time to feel like this.

When he accepted the role as one of the tetrarchs, he had agreed that redrom partners were irrelevant to their tasks and should not be sought out. The other three tetrarchs were matespriteless. Why couldn't he just ignore his stupid feelings like the rest of them?

He couldn't ignore them because trying to ignore them only made them worse. He wanted to march over to Xefros's hive right now. He wanted to cup his face with his hands and kiss him. He wanted to pull him close and just hold him. He wanted to give him kisses on the forehead while he slept and listen to him talk about sports in that enthusiastic voice that he used. He wanted Xefros to hold his hand and lean his head on his shoulder. Oh _god_ did he want that. Dammek wanted to see Xefros's smile and hear his laugh without it making him have to suppress his own for the sake of looking 'tough'.

He had been sitting there for a while now, just trying to contemplate things, face flushing madly. His thoughts were disturbed when his communication tablet lit up with a message.

 

 **XEFROS:** can you come over?

 

Dammek paused. His stomach turned.

He wanted to back out of it now. He wanted to forget that he had ever said anything. He wanted to push this flushcrush to the back of his mind and never bring it up again. He wanted to pretend he had no idea what Xefros was talking about. He almost wanted to ignore Xefros altogether. Suddenly, he didn't want to talk about it with him. He didn't want to see Xefros right now. He just... he wanted him to...

 

 **DAMMEK:** n0.  
**XEFROS:** oh. ok.  
**XEFROS:** then i'll just... i'll just come to you. maybe we should talk about this in person?  
**XEFROS:** be there in a sec!  
**DAMMEK:** n0. i didnt invite y0u. d0 n0t c0me 0ver here. i d0nt want t0 see y0u.  
**XEFROS:** im almost there. can we just talk?  
**DAMMEK:** g0 away.

 

\----

 

It had been weeks.

Three weeks since his moirail had abandoned him, to be exact. Xefros had counted. He had never felt so... _without purpose._ Perhaps that was the term.

He was so used to Dammek planning a schedule for him. He didn't even know what to do with his time. He had started missing Arena Stickball practice. Dammek usually reminded him.

He hadn't practiced his butlering, either. He didn't really have anyone to bark orders at him, which was nice, but it still left him feeling a little empty. He hadn't been called for band practice, and hadn't been asked to reenact any cool movie scenes. There was a constant load of free time. No one had tried to contact him, none of the other trolls he knew. Usually Dammek would be the one to contact him about anything, but ever since he had told Xefros to go away, there had been only silence.

Now that he was so alone all the time, he had a lot of time to think in that silence. For one thing, his whole life had been revolving on what Dammek wanted him to do. It had always been 'Dammek this' and 'Dammek that'. He had become a dedicated follower to the idea of the rebellion, not to their cause, but to Dammek. He did whatever Dammek told him to do. He was always right there when Dammek wanted something. He always had to answer to Dammek. _Dammek this, Dammek that._

Dammek. Dammek. Dammek. That was all he was allowed himself to pledge to.

Xefros hadn't made any attempts to contact him. He didn't want to. He spent most of his time in his respiteblock, just arranging and rearranging silverware. Occasionally he would bend a few spoons or lift a few forks, but... that was it. That was what he spent his time on.

He didn't sleep much during the days. Slowdad was becoming anxious, sometimes pacing around Xefros and nudging him with his face, just trying to get him to move. Xefros had resorted to occasionally locking the door to his respiteblock. He just didn't want to go anywhere else.

As far as he knew, him and Dammek were done. Xefros had started to partially blame himself for letting their moirallegiance fade away like that. _Not that it wasn't already fading_.

Maybe if he had just responded faster, or maybe if he hadn't seemed so indifferent about it, or maybe... He was so tired of thinking about it. It had struck him so strangely when Dammek had confessed... _feelings for him?_ Actual feelings? He really wasn't ready for that. He didn't know what to say to it. He just... never expected it. He was letting himself walk around with this crush on Dammek, unknowingly being crushed on as well. _How long had he felt that way?_

Why did Xefros feel so... _bad_ when he found out? His face had grown red, sure, and his heart had fluttered a little bit, but deep down it was almost a disappointment. He had begun pacing in his respiteblock, cursing and muttering. He didn't know how to respond. He didn't understand why he felt so bad that _the troll he was flushed for_ actually liked him back.

Maybe it was because he just didn't expect a burgundy blood like himself to actually have such feelings reciprocated. Or maybe he was just feeling the effects of a quadrant vacillation, which often included such mixed feelings. Er, an _almost_ quadrant vacillation.

His heart had sank when he was told to go away. He had been instructed to 'go away' before, but there was something about the given situation and chain of events that lead to Dammek saying it that caused Xefros to feel... _permanently rejected?_

He didn't want to think about it right now. Instead, he sat at his desk, fiddling with the silverware, arranging them into patterns and such. He lifted a spoon using telekinesis, concentrating on what he wanted it to do. It wobbled a little in the air, and slowly began to bend inwards. He kept concentrating on it, kept bending the damned thing. He allowed himself to temporarily forget about what happened with him and Dammek. His entire focus was on the spoon.

Eventually, it had curled so much that it snapped. Xefros, in his surprise, had let the dinnerware fragments drop to the desk in a metallic clatter. _Whoa_. That was new. Maybe all this practice had made his powers stronger? He had never broken a spoon before.

He couldn't help feeling a little bit of pride in this achievement. Maybe he'd make a useful butler to one of those snobby highbloods one day after all. He'd show 'em all how you bend a damn spoon. _Snooty fuckers._

There was a grunting noise and scratching at the door, which Xefros knew all too well was coming from Slowdad. He sighed, turning to stand up. He couldn't shut out his lusus forever. As he opened the door, Slowdad shuffled into the room, shaking and panting. He ran to the creature, who couldn't seem to calm down. His white fur appeared a little dirty, which was unusual, considering the clean environment in which he lived. Normally, Slowdad was lazy and didn't move around very much. Currently, he was shuffling back and forth, shaking his head and making more distressed grunts.

"Whoa, whoa, easy there. What's wrong?" Xefros attempted to ask softly. He was only met with more grunting and shuffling.

_Weird._

"Are you hurt?" he tried to ask. Slowdad stood up on his hind legs and grunted loudly. Xefros wasn't too sure if that was supposed to be a 'Yes, I'm in pain, please help me' or a 'Nah bro, I'm good. Just trying to cause a scene is all.' He didn't see any blood on Slowdad, which should mean that he wasn't injured.

A loud crash coming from downstairs made Xefros nearly jump out of his skin. _Oh no oh no oh no oh god oh no is that a drone? Am I being attacked?_ He shakily poked his head into the hallway. Nothing.

He could still hear rustling and a few smaller crashes coming from below. In a panic, he realized that he had no way to defend himself. Maybe, if he was quick enough, he could grab his stickball bat from the rumpusroom. It wasn't really meant for beating the shit out of a drone, but it would have to do, he figured. He didn't want to leave Slowdad alone, but there was no way he could make the heavy creature move. In an attempt to hide his lusus (a little), Xefros stepped out of his respiteblock and shut the door. Taking a deep breath, he darted into the rumpusroom, closing the door behind him.

Quickly, he grabbed the stickball bat. He wasn't sure if he could even cause any real damage with it. It wasn't sharp or anything. It didn't fire any bullets. There were no blades on it. It was meant for sport, not for combat.

He pressed an ear to the door, listening for any more noises. Silence.

Carefully, quietly, he cracked the door open. If it was indeed a drone, there would be no hiding from it. It would tear his hive apart to snatch him up. He glanced around the hallway, which appeared to be empty. Drawing the bat back, he prepared himself to strike if necessary, and proceeded to exit the rumpusroom.

He was careful to step lightly, not wanting the clean floor to betray him by causing squeaks when he stepped on it. Finally, he had made it to the stairs. He still hadn't heard another noise. He peered down the stairway, looking for the danger. _I wish I had Dammek with me right now._

After a few moments, a large beast came rumbling past the stairway, snarling and knocking things over. Xefros immediately recognized the creature.

"Stagdad? What..." he lowered the bat and stepped carefully down the stairs. The creature stopped and swiveled his head around at the sound of his name. _Dammek's lusus?_

Stagdad came up to Xefros and began to paw at the ground, making insistent growls. He, too, was slightly dirty, but this was normal for him given the cleanliness of his home. The rust boy tried to pat the beast on the head, but he kept dodging his hand. Xefros had only just noticed that Stagdad was missing his saddle. Normally, he he wore the saddle at all times in case Dammek needed to make a quick get-away.

Xefros tossed the stickball bat to the side and tried to examine the creature for injuries. He didn't see any blood or wounds on him. The deercat sniffed at the ground and then snorted. It was becoming agitated, Xefros could tell. Stagdad's demeanor was similar to that of Slowdad. He flickered his tail back and forth and walked behind Xefros. With a sudden shove, the creature forced Xefros to stumble forward.

"Hey!" the troll exclaimed. "Stop it - ow! Stagda- Hey! Quit!" Xefros's protests did little to stop the large deercat from shoving him towards the hive's exit and into the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heeeeere's part two,, !! c:  
> out of like  
> three parts?? four?? idk yet,, anyways, hope you like it! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a little longer than the previous one, considering that none of the length comes from text logs ;0

  

The security system in Dammek's hive had been disarmed for some time now, and he had turned off the monitors that were keeping surveillance on Xefros's hive a few weeks ago. He could barely stand the thought of Xefros right now. Er, he could barely stand the thought of facing him. Of seeing the effects of Dammek bailing on him like that.

    He hadn't provided much help to the other tetrarchs, either. He had less and less to say with each meeting.

    Dammek wasn't one to feel  _regret_  for his actions. Instead, he preferred to blame the outcomes from his actions on others. This time around, he was definitely drowning in guilt. 

    As badly as Dammek treated him, Xefros had never left his side. Not once. Whenever Dammek would shout and tell Xefros how badly he was messing things up, Xefros never held any anger against him for it. Instead, Xefros tried to fix his 'mistakes'. He always tried to do whatever he thought would make Dammek happy. Xefros had expressed how much Dammek meant to him, more than once, which made the bronze blood feel even shittier than he already did. Xefros was always there beside him.

    How did Dammek repay Xefros for his loyal friendship? By treating him like a piece of garbage, wrecking their already wrecked moirallegiance and shutting him out. That's how.

    He wanted to put all the blame on Xefros. He wanted it to be  _his_  fault that they weren't talking anymore, but it just wasn't Xefros's fault. It was Dammek's. Xefros had only wanted to talk things over, but Dammek, like the asshole that he was, had shut him out for it .

  
     _You're such an idiot,_  Dammek thought,  _you knew how much you meant to him, and yet you cast him away as if he meant nothing. You know how sensitive Xefros can be. He probably feels like shit. He probably thinks he's to blame. You fucking idiot._

    It didn't matter anymore. Xefros had probably lost interest in him by now. Dammek knew that if it were him, he certainly would've. It was difficult, the entire situation. Dammek wanted to apologize to him, but he couldn't stand the thought of having to face him. Of having to look him in the eye after what he had done. He just bailed on Xefros.  _He had never wanted to apologize before. This was new._

    Even though they hadn't had a band practice lately - for a lack of communication with each other, of course - Dammek still tried to keep himself busy with writing song lyrics. He normally wrote some political message and transformed the words into a song for Xefros to sing. Lately, there seemed to be a little less 'fuck the empire' and a little more 'I fucked up' encoded into the words. 

    Currently, he was trying to work on a few lines. He put the pencil down after finishing the sentence, and silently read it back to himself.

    Maybe this could be his apology? It was the best one so far. In a long list of shitty apology lyrics he had written.

    Dammek wasn't one for such wishful thinking or anything, but for just this moment, he imagined himself giving the lyrics to Xefros. He let himself imagine that Xefros would accept his apology and that everything could go back to normal. Er, that everything would be better than normal. He let himself imagine that they would get to hug it out - or better yet - kiss it out. Everything would get better again and Dammek would treat Xefros better than he had before. They could hang out again and be happy together.

    That was unrealistic. 

    Dammek sighed and rested his head in his hands. He couldn't fix it that easily. If this were some sort of a machine, or a firearm that needed repairing, this would be no sweat. He could have it fully operational again because he could easily locate what piece was missing from where. He could replace the broken parts and make it like new again. Apparently, relationships didn't work that way.

    He was going to have to learn to treat others better.

    Stagdad entered the rumpusroom, arching his rear and stretching his legs, most likely post-nap. Dammek turned to his lusus. He wasn't very kind to Stagdad, either. Maybe he could start small?

    Stagdad didn't like wearing his saddle. It made him uncomfortable and many times, he had tried to take it off. Dammek had usually snapped at the creature and tried to readjust it. For now, he decided that Stagdad could have a break from it. It was a small start at changing the way he treated others. He would have to work his way up to Xefros.

    "There you go. How's that?" Dammek tried to say, in the most soothing voice he could manage. He had slipped the saddle off and set it aside in a corner. Stagdad seemed to appreciate the gesture, in which Dammek had earned a head nuzzle and some purring.

     _Well that was easy._

    Of course it was easy. Stagdad was his guardian. He was bound to appreciate a simple gesture like that. On top of that, Stagdad wasn't Xefros. Xefros had been pushed away almost immediately after he found out that his red feelings for Dammek were reciprocated. He had been abandoned by his shitty moirail and left in the dark.

    Stagdad had left the room now. 

    Xefros meant a lot to Dammek, more than he would ever let on. Dammek had already decided that if anything were to happen to Xefros, as in, if Xefros were to die, he would probably lose his shit. He would have no reason to continue aiding the rebellion. Although the other tetrarchs might not care, for Dammek, there would be no one left to protect, really. 

    It was no wonder that Xefros seemed a little indifferent towards Dammek's confession. He probably thought it was a joke, rather than a test. Things would've probably turned out a lot differently if Dammek had spoken to him in person about it, instead of cowering behind a screen. Then, maybe Xefros could've heard the sincerity he had in his confession. Typing words on a screen couldn't do very much to let someone know the tone of another's voice. 

    Dammek was too aggressive to say anything like that in person, though. Even if Xefros could detect the sincerity, he would still be met with Dammek's sharp way of putting things into words. 

    There was a rumbling noise from above. Dammek instinctively turned towards the sound, alarmed. He got up from his chair and slowly backed towards the door to his meal block, eyes fixated on a spot on the ceiling. He had moved most of his guns to another area of the hive in an attempt to de-clutter the hive a little bit. He had hoped that clearer surroundings would mean clearer thoughts.  _If he could just grab one of his guns really quick._

     _Shit. Fucking damn it._  The security system was still turned off. If this was a drone or anything, he was screwed over, big time.

    He was  _not_  about to die because of a fucking drone. Hell no. If he was going to die, he wanted it to be for an  _actual_  reason.

    Slowly, he backed further into the meal block, not daring to take his eyes off the ceiling. The rumbling noise intensified, and soon things had started shaking. Suddenly, the wall caved in as a giant metallic leg crashed through the barriers of Dammek's hive.

 

\----

 

    Stagdad had managed to drag Xefros all the way to the bunker. Xefros could see a gaping hole in the side of the hive, and knew that something had gone horribly wrong. Dammek's lusus had clearly gone to grab Xefros for help. 

    The deercat was frantic. He was in a state of panic, something that could happen to any lusus if they felt they could do nothing to help their charge. Stagdad was a strong creature, and smart, too. For him to be was in a state of panic from not being able to do anything, shit must've been fucked up at the moment.

    Xefros and Dammek weren't on good terms right now. If Xefros wanted to, he could abandon the scene and leave Dammek to whatever unfortunate event had befallen him. It was none of his business, after all. They weren't moirails anymore, so in all technicality, Dammek's well-being was no longer his concern. Most trolls would've probably walked away from something like this if they were in his situation, and this looked like the work of one of the heiress's terrifying imperial drones.

    But Xefros wasn't that kind of person, he still cared about Dammek, regardless of the situation they were in.

    There was no sign of a drone. The thought had finally crossed his mind that Dammek might not even be there. If this was a drone attack, the machine would've probably snatched him up and left. Unless he was dead. 

    If he was dead, the drone would've left the body there and went on its merry way. The heiress would have no use for a troll that had already been killed, she would've wanted to do it herself. 

    Xefros shuddered. He did not want to find the lifeless body of the troll that meant the most to him. He wouldn't even know what to do. He froze in front of the door, which had been left open. Inside, he could see some debris from the damage and a lot of Dammek's belongings thrown around. Not that the latter wasn't normal, of course.

    Cautiously, he entered the hive. Various lights were flickering, and there were some ripped electrical chords dangling here and there, casting out sparks. He approached the debris and looked around for signs of Dammek. The opening in the hive left everything inside exposed to the night air. Xefros had never felt exposed in Dammek's hive, which was always on maximum lock down.  _How had the drone broken through the hive like that? What about the security system?_

    Xefros heard the deercat, who was still outside, making concerned growls and grunts. Stagdad didn't seem to want to go inside, for some reason. The rust troll decided to call out for his bronze friend.

    "Dammek?"

    There was no reply. Xefros advanced a little further into the hive, stepping over fragments of Dammek's belongings here and there. The debris ranged from some gun parts, some rock band poster, a piece of furniture, and conspiracy doodles. He stopped, almost stepping on a picture of them together. He leaned down, hand shaking, and picked the picture up. He remembered the day they had taken it, it was a time when they were younger, before Dammek's paranoia had begun to control him. Dammek had thrown his arm around Xefros's neck in a hug, and Xefros had been laughing and trying to push him away. The camera had snapped the picture while they were goofing off together, like moirails do. 

    Xefros had noticed how different they looked in the picture, compared to what they looked like now. His hair was a bit longer, and a bit messier, too. He cringed a little at how unkempt he looked in the photo. He had a few bandages here and there, probably covering up little nicks and cuts that he had at the time. He had always been a bit of a jock, even as a youngster. Always covered in minor wounds from his love of sports. Dammek didn't have his glasses on. The photo was taken before he had adopted them. It pained Xefros a little bit to see the smile Dammek had on his face. He hadn't seen that smile in a very long time. 

    He folded up the image and tucked it away in his pocket.

  
    There was still no sign of Dammek. The rubble was scattered around his rumpus room. Some of his belongings had been broken or were destroyed. Xefros stepped carefully into the room, scanning for any signs of the bronze troll.

    Then, he stopped.

    He could make out an arm and a leg that were sticking out of a pile of debris, just in the doorway to Dammek's meal block. Xefros could see blood. He felt light-headed, and his body began to tremble as he approached his friend. His knees felt weak. He could feel his heart drop to his stomach.

    "Da... Da-dam-mek?" he called, his voice shaking. He was trying not to let the tears spill, but there was no stopping them. 

    He went to his friend's side, checking for any signs of life. He started to dig the other troll out from under the rubble, pushing away broken pieces of ceiling and wall. After a failed attempt to clear some of it with his telekinesis, he resumed digging with his hands. It was as though when Dammek was on Xefros's mind, his powers were severely weakened.

    He had finally managed to uncover some of Dammek's torso, but most of his head and abdomen were still buried. Xefros immediately pressed his ear to Dammek's chest, listening frantically for a heartbeat.

    He was alive. The beat was quiet, but he was still alive. Xefros cried even harder.

    Suddenly, Dammek had flinched and started coughing. He wriggled his head out from under a pile of what used to be an air duct, hacking and grabbing at his chest. He managed to pull the rest of himself out, without Xefros's help. His breath was uneven, and his body was shaking. There was a blood stain on his side. With Dammek, now laying on his back, cuts and scratches covering his trembling body and his face turning pale, Xefros froze. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't think of a way to help his friend, his mind was drawing a blank.  _Why couldn't he think?_ Dammek was still grabbing at his chest, coughing violently, now.

    Suddenly, it clicked.

    "Dammek, you need to sit up, right now! You're going to suffocate!" Xefros exclaimed, going to his friend's side and attempting to ease him into a sitting position. 

    "No- Hurts- S-stop." Dammek had spat out in between gasps, trying to stop Xefros.

    "No, Dammek, you have to! This is going to hurt, I'm sorry." Closing his eyes, Xefros forced Dammek to sit upwards. Dammek had flinched and dropped his head, shaking.

     _"Fuck!"_  he yelled, grabbing again at his chest. Xefros leaned him against the wall and lifted his jacket to examine his chest. He could see the dark bruising on Dammek's skin, right along his ribs. The bones were definitely fractured, just as he suspected.

    Xefros remembered when one of the stickball players had suffered the exact same injury. She had been a rust blood, like himself. Things had gotten out of control, and she was attacked. Left with the fracture, she lay on the ground, suffocating from one of her rib bones stabbing into a lung. No one had tried to help her, and she died within minutes. Of course, her injury was much worse than Dammek's. She probably wouldn't have survived it either way, with how far the rib had pierced into the lung. Dammek's wasn't as bad, he could heal.

    As a lowblood, he was familiar with wounds and how to treat them. It was just something that those lower on the hemospectrum needed to know in order to make it, considering their greater susceptibility to physical damage. As well as their greater susceptibility to being purposefully harmed.

    "Dammek, I think you have some broken ribs, but you're going to be okay. Dammek?" Xefros tried to sound as calm as possible. 

    He would have to take him back to his hive. Xefros tried to help Dammek stand, but he pushed Xefros's hand away and picked himself up. Flinching, Dammek pressed his hand to his bloody side. That was another problem that needed to be looked at. 

    Xefros threw Dammek's arm around his neck and helped him exit the broken hive, despite the fact that he could walk just fine. It just felt like the right thing to do. Stagdad had started freaking out when he saw Dammek, and went to hurdle himself at his charge. He stopped, just a few feet away from him when he saw that he was injured and cautiously began to sniff the troll.

     Xefros trudged into his hive, helping to ease the injured troll onto a loungeplank. After he had Dammek sitting down, Xefros took a seat on the loungeplank opposite of him, across the room. He decided to give the bronze troll a few minutes before he examined his other injury.

    For a few moments, both of them remained silent. Dammek was still breathing shakily, but that was it. Until he spoke.

    "Thank you."

    Xefros had been looking at the ground. He wasn't sure if he could look Dammek in the eyes right now. "Yeah..." he whispered.

    More silence.

 

\----

    He opened his eyes. It was daytime.

    Apparently, he had managed fall asleep at some point. Only to be awoken from a lack of proper sleeping arrangements. Without a recuperacoon, he shouldn't have been able to sleep that long.

    He was in Xefros's hive, sitting on the loungeplank. Next to him, the rust blood was sleeping, sitting with his head drooping slightly to the side and grasping a photograph or something in his hand. Dammek put his hand to his side, and felt the bandages that Xefros had put there just hours ago. There had been a piece of metal lodged into his skin, but Xefros had pulled it out and patched it up.

    He tried to sigh, but winced at the sharp pain of his chest rising.  _Right. Broken ribs._

    Xefros had saved him. Literally. Dammek would've probably died if Xefros hadn't arrived. It struck Dammek that Xefros, who had been literally abandoned by Dammek, who had literally not talked to him for weeks, who had been shut out and ignored, who had been treated like shit, had saved him. He wasn't sure exactly what had happened when the drone had broken the wall of his hive. He just remembered the metal leg crushing through the ceiling and causing everything to fall. Dammek had stumbled and been buried in the pieces of his hive that rained down on him, and then everything went black.

    Then Xefros had pressed on his chest and the pain had jolted him awake. Xefros had showed up and helped him.  _How did he know?_  Maybe Stagdad had alerted him? That was probably what happened.

    The drone should've carted him away, being that he was still alive. He was lucky.

    He tried to relax a bit, resting his head back. It was too early for him to be awake, it was still daylight out. He planned to leave the rust troll's hive as soon as he could. Even if he really had no where to go once he left, considering that his hive was no longer suitable for dwelling in, with the damage that had been done to it. He just didn't want to burden Xefros any more than he already had. Dammek didn't deserve to take up the rust blood's time. 

    He turned to look at Xefros. The poor guy was clearly exhausted. Dammek could tell by the bags under his eyes that Xefros had not slept well for some time. Maybe it was just the angle at which he was viewing him, but Dammek could've sworn Xefros had lost some weight.  _He hasn't been taking care of himself._

    He tried to focus on something good, instead. Xefros's hair was still neat and well-kept, and his face was clean (despite him digging through rubble earlier), like always. Which was pretty impressive, Dammek would say. Xefros was pretty strict about his hygiene the way he presented himself, unlike a majority of guys his age, who often woke up and seized the night as they were. They were your stereotypical grubby teenage boys, but not Xefros - who had started to make a cute little face in his sleep, wrinkling his nose and furrowing his brow. The face faded away, however, as though whatever he was making the face at had faded away as well. His breaths were even and soft. Dammek watched his chest rise and fall in a steady manner. It was clear that Xefros was in a deep, exhaustion-fueled sleep. 

    After a few minutes, Dammek realized that he had been staring at him. He turned his face to the ceiling instead, suddenly making it look as if he was blushing from his 'admiration of the tree leaves' instead of his admiration for Xefros.

     _I really need to stop._

    He was screwed. He was so screwed. With what Xefros had done for him, it only added on to the long list of reasons why Dammek utterly sucked as a person and deserved to feel like this. There Xefros went again, always being there for Dammek. Especially when he was least qualified to be cared about by Xefros.

    Closing his eyes, he tried to decipher why Xefros would choose to stay with him after all this time. Aside from his (pre-?) flushcrush on Dammek, there were really no other understandable reasons why Xefros stayed with him. Any other troll would've broken up such a "moirallegiance" long ago. Xefros had taken a pale pity on Dammek, who was the more violent of the two. Upon confirming a pale quadrant, it was then Xefros's job to pacify and comfort his newfound moirail from harming others. In return, it was supposed to be Dammek's job to supply companionship and protect his non-violent palemate. 

    Xefros had never failed his job. He had always showed his concern for Dammek's well-being, he had always done his best to calm him down when things got out of hand. Even if Dammek was throwing a fit and yelling at him out of frustration, Xefros never yelled back, and instead did everything he could to help reassure Dammek that everything would be alright. He always did his best to calm his moirail down. Xefros showed the sort of pale dedication that was more than enough make other moirails jealous.

    Dammek, on the other hand, had only half-assed his task. He did, in fact, do a fairly good job at protecting Xefros. He made it a priority to keep Xefros on his toes, to keep him prepared for what ever danger may come their way next. The surveillance he kept on Xefros's hive all those sweeps was to make sure he was safe. They were just extra security measures, albeit invasions of personal privacy. What Dammek did to protect Xefros did nothing to make up for the lack of actual friendship he was supposed to give him. He rarely had anything kind to say to the rust blood, and in fact used an abundance of put-downs on him instead. He scolded Xefros for the littlest things, and pressured him way out of his comfort zone when it came to preparing for the rebellion. He ordered him around as if he were some indigo-blood in the position to do so. 

    Come to think about it, Dammek was especially hard on Xefros in particular. Sure, he was an ass to others as well - with a near-constant supply slick remarks and retorts, a terrible temper that often caused him to treat others over-aggressively for no apparently reason, and and a severe lack of consideration for other's opinions, he was a total ass. Welcome to the bright and sunny You're An Assville - population: Dammek.

    For some reason, Xefros was the one to deal with the worst of him. It wasn't fair.

  
    He slowly stood up, careful not to disturb Xefros, and made his way to the loungeplank opposite of the room. It was too dangerous to leave right now, but as soon as the Alternian sun's deadly rays had ceased, Dammek would be gone. He wanted to get some sleep before leaving, but it was difficult. Although he had coaxed Xefros into sleeping out of his recuperacoon, Dammek hadn't yet taught himself. At least not quite, anyways. He could doze off now and then, but the sleep would only last for so long. It only took minutes before he would be jolted awake by his own poisonous troll mind. He was glad that Xefros was free from this.

    The loungeplank cushion was filled with sopor slime, which was about as close to a recuperacoon as he would be getting. Carefully, he tried to lay as comfortably as he could manage, mindful not to twist or turn too much. It was hard to move around without his ribs reminding him that he couldn't. 

    Stagdad, who was laying in a corner, perked his head up and turned towards Dammek, ears up and alert. He seemed to be listening quite intently, despite his charge not uttering a single word. The deercat blinked in understanding before settling back down.

    Dammek didn't have nearly as strong of a psychic power as a rust blood. In fact, he barely had a psychic ability at all. However, as a bronze, he had the slightest ability to speak with creatures. Er, with his lusus, but that was the extent of it. Not as impressive as some of the other guys and gals of his caste, but it was better than nothing. It was mostly a broken message - a few stray words - that his lusus could only understand, for some reason.

    Stagdad understood that they would be leaving the hive in a few hours. First, they would sleep.

    On top of everything, Dammek still had a rebellion that he was committed to running. Even if he had been slacking lately with it, he was still needed somewhere. There were three other tetrarchs who, in one way or another, benefited from his presence at their meetings. He was at least somewhat useful to those three trolls. He was not useful to Xefros.

    He would leave a 'thank you' note somewhere where Xefros would find it, and then he would set out for somewhere else to take up space.

    Well, maybe he would call it a 'thank you', but really it was more of an 'I'm sorry' sort of thing.

 

\----

 

    Xefros smiled in his sleep.

    He was having an odd dream that didn't quite make much sense, but it was a happy dream nonetheless:

    "Kick their asses, Xef! You got this!" Dammek called from a distance. Xefros took a deep breath and tightened his grip on the cuebat, steadying his stance and preparing to strike one of the stickballs. This was his chance. A lifetime of dedication to the sport had lead up to this moment, and he wasn't about to let it go to waste. He was  _getting_  into the Thrashthrust Junior League. It was either that, or death.

    Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the figure of a player from the opposite team hurdling towards him from across the vast playing field. She was obviously skilled at her position - her team had used her as often as possible and with every opportunity that allowed them to. If he missed this hit, he was done for. He would have to strike one of the enemy players with the stickball before him before she was within range to attack. 

    "A little help, please? " Xefros called quickly, hoping to find some advice from a dead player.

    "Make her think she's going to reach you in time. Then, at the last possible second, turn your body in a full circle - 360 degrees clockwise - to strike the ball with a good swing and directly avoid her attack. If I'm correct, you will hit the target and win this game with flying colors. Metaphorically, of course. No blood should be drawn from the enemy team by this ball." a ghost whispered behind him. Xefros nodded and decided that that seemed pretty trustworthy advice, being that the ghost in question was that of a once great Arena Stickball coach. If the ghost was wrong, this would cost Xefros his life.  _Welp. Fuck it. Here goes nothing._

    He did exactly as the ghost-coach had instructed, resulting in a win for his team. After a quick thank-you to the ghost, Xefros had taken off his helmet and ran across the field to join his teammates in their celebration, jumping and cheering alongside some Wranglers and a Blaster. They gave him little to no recognition, which was normal. They were happy about the win, not what a mere rustblood had done. The crowd surrounding the field lit up with volume, a mash-up of happiness and disappointment ringing out around the players. Dammek was one of the rooters for Xefros's team, and so he could be found cheering with the rest of the team's supporters. 

    Finally. After all those sweeps of practice, Xefros would be accepted into the Thrashthrust Junior League! He could barely contain his excitement, even after the game had officially ended and trolls were departing the arena. He was just so happy!

    After giving his name to the judges (who would now be considering him as a potential Pusher for the Thrashthrust Juniors), quickly changing from his stickball attire and into his normal clothes, and saying some farewells to his teammates, he raced to the exit of the arena. He knew that his matesprite would be waiting somewhere outside for him.

    "There he is! There's my favorite badass Pusher!" Dammek cheered, upon seeing Xefros. The rustblood beamed with pride and ran over to embrace the other troll, throwing his stickball attire to the ground.

    "I got in! I got in!" he exclaimed, almost jumping up and down like a child. 

    "I know, I know!" Dammek said, squeezing him in the hug. "You know what else you got? Super sweaty. Gross!" he laughed, removing his arms from around Xefros.

    The rustblood laughed as well, recollecting his sport uniform. "As if hygiene really even bothers you!" Xefros teased, sticking his tongue out. "Anyways, you're right. I'm going to head back to my hive and get un-sweaty."

    "Alright, man, sounds good. Let me know when you're done, and I'll be over with a flavor disc so we can celebrate. I'm so fucking proud of you! I knew you could do it."

    "Thanks!" Xefros gushed, smiling. "I'm glad you were here with me! I probably wouldn't have done so great if you hadn't been here to cheer for my team. Well, that and I had some help from a ghost." he added, and winked.

    "Nah. I'm pretty sure it was my cheering that pulled you through. I'm an expert at cheering. In fact, I'm almost positive that my cheering inspired the ghost." Dammek declared, smirking and crossing his arms matter-of-factly. 

    "Yeah, yeah, okay." the rust troll replied with a snort and a head shake. "See you later?"

    "That's the plan." the bronzeblood said with a smile, leaning to kiss the other. 

    With a final hug goodbye, Xefros planted a light kiss on Dammek's cheek and thanked him again for being there for his stickball tryout.

    A few trolls groaned and rolled their eyes at them. One cupped his hands to his mouth and called, "Take your quadrant matters elsewhere. No one gives a shit about your gross affection for each other. It's disgusting." as he walked by.

    "Jeez, looks like someone's got their horns in a knot, huh? Okay, well, bye! Flushed for you!" Xefros said, waving and turning to walk away.

    "Alright, catch you later, Xef! Flushed for you too!" Dammek replied, walking in the opposite direction.

    Yawning, Xefros stretched his arms out and opened his eyes, rubbing them. He took notice of the dark sky outside, indicating that it was time for him to wake up. His dream had been quite pleasant. Strange, but fairly pleasant. The dream didn't make any sense, really, but at least it wasn't a nightmare. 

    For one thing, he had been trying out for the Thrashthrust Junior League, a feat he wouldn't be ready to try out for for a while. At least another sweep. He supposed that in a dream, anything could happen, really. For another thing, they were playing Arena Stickball all wrong! The normal rules weren't in place, and for some reason, one of his teammates wasn't wearing his helmet. How dangerous!

     _Right. It was only a dream._

    Okay, so maybe it wasn't so dangerous, but only because it wasn't real. Xefros sighed, now recalling the part with Dammek. 

     _Dammek._

    From what Xefros could remember, the bronzeblood had been sitting next to him on the loungeplank. Now, the seat was empty, and he was no where to be found in the rumpusroom. Xefros stood up and set off to go find his injured friend.

    His first guess at the deer troll's location was the bathroom (I'm calling it a 'bathroom' for a lack of a better Alternian term), which would make sense. He walked towards the closed door and gave it a knock. After hearing no reply, he carefully opened the door to find...

    No one. Dammek wasn't in the bathroom.

    Deciding that it wouldn't hurt to check his respiteblock, he opened the door and peeked inside. Empty.

     _Maybe he's in the mealblock?_  If Dammek was hungry, he knew how to help himself to whatever food Xefros had. 

    Stepping down the stairs and rounding the corner, Xefros called for the other troll. He was met with no reply at first. After calling again, he heard an annoyed "Yeah?" followed by a "Shit. Damn it!"

    Xefros found Dammek in the mealblock, leaned over the counter and scribbling something down on a piece of paper. The bronzeblood turned to look at him, embarrassment plastered across his face. 

    "Good night." he said quietly, through gritted teeth. "So, you're up."

    Xefros knew all too well what Dammek sounded like when he didn't want him to know about something. The way he tried too hard to make his words sound casual was usually what gave him away.

    "Yeah... I am. What are you doing? You should... you should be sitting down." Xefros gestured to his own side. "You're hurt, remember?"

    He took a step further into the room, causing Dammek to cover the paper with his arm, defensively. His face was starting to grow in color as he hunched over it more. 

    "Yes, I remember. I feel fine, though. Go awa-" Dammek caught himself before he repeated the words that had gotten the two of them into this situation. Xefros had already caught on to what he was about to say, however.

    "-ken your lusus. Yeah. Go wake him up. He sleeps too much."

    Xefros advanced further into the room, ignoring Dammek's obviously fake request. The fact that his former moirail had censored himself from repeating those words showed that he cared enough not to say them again. It was something Xefros decided he would cling to. It wasn't much, but it was something.

    He wanted to talk about what happened. He wanted to talk about it right then and there, regardless of how Dammek might react. It needed to be addressed.

    "Dammek..." he began, after a moment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be more soon! c:
> 
> in the meantime, if you made it this far, please let me know what you think!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HOO BUDDY this is... a little all over the place? Yeah. My writing style may have changed a smidge? Haha.
> 
> Here's a long-overdue update.
> 
> I've got big plans for the next chapter c:

"We should talk."  
  
    Dammek shifted uncomfortably.  _Oh boy, oh no._  
  
    Crumbling up the paper, he shoved it into his jacket pocket, where more crumbled-up papers were stashed away. He had been trying to get the wording of this note just right, but still hadn't found a wording that he could live with. It was so foreign to him, this whole 'apologizing' thing. He set the pencil down on the countertop.   
  
    "I don't want to talk." Dammek said quietly. Avoiding his friend's eyes, he tried to walk out of the room, but was stopped abruptly by Xefros, who had stepped in front of the door.   
  
    The rustblood put his palms out in a surrender. "Listen, I know, I know. It's just-"  
  
    Dammek interrupted him. "Xefros, I don't want to talk." He repeated, this time a little louder, as he pushed past the other troll, heading back towards the front door where his lusus was waiting outside. The deercat peeked it's head in front of the window before retreating.  
  
    Xefros stood and watched as his friend walked away, connecting the dots. "Where are you going?" His voice was wavering.  
  
    The bronzeblood paused before reaching the door. With his hive destroyed, he really wasn't sure where he'd be going. "I'm leaving."  
  
    " _Leaving?_ "  
  
    "Listen, thanks for saving my ass back there, and thanks for patching me up, but I'm not-"  
  
    "I'm sorry." Xefros blurted out. He was crying now. "Listen, whatever I did, I'm sorry. If I was supposed to say something, and I didn't, I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry I messed up. I'm sorry I upset you." He sniffled and turned away. "I'm sorry I let our moiraillegiance get so out-of-hand. Just please. I should've- I could've-" The rustblood's shoulders slumped and he fidgeted to wipe the tears away.  
  
    Dammek stopped in his tracks and turned around. His friend was normally so strong and so put together. Observing Xefros's quivering form, his bloodpusher sank.   
  
    He wasn't supposed to be the one apologizing, Dammek was. Xefros hadn't done anything. The bronzeblood felt the tears pricking at his eyes and removed his sunglasses. Xefros thought that Dammek's behavior was  _his_  fault. He felt guilty when he didn't deserve it, and now was taking the blame for their failed moiraillegiance. Xefros thought that he was the one who had made a mess of things, but if Dammek hadn't been such a coward, if he hadn't abandoned him, if he hadn't treated him the way he had in the first place...  
  
    "No. Xefros, no." At first, he didn't really know what he was doing. It just sort-of happened. It just felt right. He stepped towards his friend and pulled him into a hug, ignoring the intense pain from the pressure on his ribs. At first the rustblood returned the hug, but then he drew back, instinctively pushing Dammek away, as if he was unsure of how to properly react to physical affection from the bronzeblood.   
  
    Xefros frowned, sniffling. "No? No, what? I mean it, I'm sorry. I know I-"  
  
     _Say something. At least try to fix this._  
  
    "Xefros, you shouldn't be the one apologizing like this. You don't have to be sorry. It's not your fault - none of this is your fault.  _I'm_  the one who shut  _you_  out. I'm the one who ran away like a coward. You were only asking to talk about it then, and you were only asking to talk about it now, and I chose to push you away. And I just tried to do it again. And you didn't do anything wrong. And you never really did - and I've always made you feel like you did - and you've always been such a good friend to me, even when I wasn't such a good friend to you- and- and-" Dammek began to stutter and trip over his words, feeling the tears run down his face.   
  
    He then slouched and wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. "I'm sorry."  
  
    He wanted to run out of the hive and fled the scene. Instead, he stayed put and prepared himself for Xefros to give the final verdict; for him to completely reject his half-ass apology. He had been a terrible friend for too long, and an 'I'm sorry' just wasn't going to cut it. Even if he admitted his wrongdoing and apologized, it wasn't going to change the past or make up for any of it.  
  
  
\----  
  
  
    Xefros froze. He had never seen Dammek express anything like this before.  
  
    He hesitated, second guessed himself, and waited. Then, the tips of his mouth turned up into a faint smile and he wiped the drying burgundy tears from his face. "It's okay."  
  
    The bronzeblood shook his head. "No, it's not. It's not okay. I'm sorry. Really." Xefros watched the other troll recollect himself, taking a few deep breaths. "And I get it if you-"  
  
    The rustblood cut him off, pulling his friend close and into an embrace. He then remembered about the injury and loosened up a little.  
  
    "It's okay," he repeated, trying not to cry again, clinging to the back of the hoodie. "I forgive you. It's okay."  
  
    Xefros never thought that an apology was all that he needed to hear. He had never considered it before; and never knew how much he needed the sincerity from Dammek. Now, with his friend before him, addressing the problem and owning up to it, he felt a lot better. At least Dammek didn't hate him, and at least Xefros didn't have to feel like he was the one to blame.   
  
    After a moment, he felt his friend's arms around him, and felt his chin on his shoulder.   
  
    The two trolls pulled away from the embrace, and in the awkward silence, both let out a small laugh. Xefros rubbed at the back of his neck and looked at his friend. "It's good to hear you, like, laugh again. It feels like it's been forever." He paused. "So I guess you'll have to stay here for a while, then. I mean, on account of your hive and all."  
  
    It wasn't unheard of for trolls to lose their hives, but it was a bit unorthodox for one troll to take another into their own hive. Xefros could remember running into another rustblood, who had lost both his hive  _and_  lusus, and been forced into the streets. The homeless rustblood was just a young kid, younger than him or Dammek, and had already lost so much. All because of his blood color.   
  
    He didn't want to have to see his friend like that. Dammek shifted his weight from one foot to the other. With hesitation, he nodded.  
  
    Dammek left to gather what clothes and belongings he had left from the remains of his hive, while Xefros brought Stagdad inside. The creature was not happy at all with the shift of environments, and showed a poor attitude about it. Xefros tried to offer it some food, but it only tipped over the bowl of cluckbeast ova in annoyance. With a grumble, it stalked out of the mealblock and further into the hive. While Xefros cleaned up after the lusus, he began to really consider what he was doing. He was letting another troll live with him. Could he get the both of them culled for this? Probably. Not only were they both gutterbloods, but now they were acting out of the norm, too.  
  
    Were him and Dammek moirails again? Probably not. He really doubted it.  
  
    Walking up to his respiteblock, he moved his clothing over and made some room for his friend's. Glancing about the room, he supposed that there was plenty of room for some of his stuff, but it would have to be kept neatly. Xefros cast his gaze to the recuperacoon. He only had one, and could see no way for them to move Dammek's into the hive. When Xefros had been in the wrecked hive, his friend's sleeping chamber had been tipped over and destroyed by a piece of the ceiling, probably in a fit from an aggravated drone searching for a troll to snatch.   
  
    He'd deal with that later. If push came to shove, Xefros didn't mind giving the recuperacoon to Dammek, since he was able to sleep without the sopor slime. Again, he'd put that problem on the shelf for a while. There were bigger problems at hand.  
  
    What did this mean for the rebellion? With one of the tetrarchs without a hive, and likely presumably dead without anyone knowing that he survived, would it put a handicap on their operations? A majority of Dammek's files and intelligence on the empire had been scattered about or destroyed. This was definitely not a problem to be shelved. Xefros didn't have the kind of over-the-top security in his hive that Dammek did, and couldn't possibly house the rebellion's information or keep the files safe. What if a drone or some highblood authority came barging in to search for signs of treason? What would they do, then?  
  
    The rustblood took a deep breath.  _It's going to be fine. They'll all figure something out._  
  
    Making his way back down the stairs, he heard what sounded like Dammek returning back to the hive, and rounded the corner to see if he could be of any help. The other troll held some clothes and a few small devices in both arms, and had a badly-worn out backpack full of other things hanging loosely off his shoulder. Xefros could see what looked like the handle of a small gun, perhaps a pistol of some sort, and the blades from what appeared to be pocket-knives and such poking out from tears and holes in the backpack. Dropping the clothes and devices onto the floor, he swung the backpack around to show Xefros the contents.   
  
    "This is all that's left," the bronzeblood said with a frown. "because of that damn drone. It confiscated all my rifles. All my shotguns. My fucking AK 74. All I have left is this magnum and a few old knives. And there's barely enough ammunition for more than a few rounds."  
  
    The rustblood gave his friend a reassuring smile. "On the bright side, at least you still have those." He gestured to the bag. "Its better than nothing, right?" On the inside, Xefros was glad that the guns were taken away. There was no way he'd be stepping around a fuck ton of lofted gun piles in his hive. It was bad enough that he had to feel like he was in danger outside of his hive; but to bring in a bunch of loaded weapons? Hell fucking no.  
  
    Dammek sneered. "It's pretty much nothing."  
  
    Xefros just gave him a kind-of uninterested shrug, unsure how else to respond. He moved to pick up the clothing, and cringed at the dust and debris that crumbled out of the folds and onto the clean floor. Dammek scooped up the devices and followed Xefros up to his respiteblock.  
  
    After situating the clothing and electronics, the two left to gather whatever else could be salvaged from what was left of Dammek's hive. Xefros decided to just kind of follow Dammek around and help carry a few things, since he didn't really know what his friend needed and what he didn't. The rustblood ambled into what used to be the livingroom, surveying the area while the other troll searched through the debris in another room.   
  
    Using his telekinesis, Xefros managed to move some of the rubble out of the way so that he could advance further into the room. Heaving a stereo with nearly all of his concentration, his vision began to blur and he dropped it. The bronzeblood called out a "What was that? You okay?" Rubbing his temples to soothe the pain from his head, he called back to Dammek that he was fine, and that he had just dropped something. Remembering how he had snapped a metal spoon like it was plastic, he should've been able to pick that stereo up, no problem.   
  
    He stepped over the damaged remains of the sound system, and some shattered glass. The reflective surface of the glass revealed his tired image to him, and he squinted at it through the pounding in his head. His eyes had grown darker underneath, and his clothes appeared to fit a little looser than before, something he hadn't noticed. He didn't look healthy; didn't look like himself. All that time he spent moping around over Dammek had taken a toll on his body, and it hadn't even phased him.   
  
    Xefros hadn't noticed any real physical differences in Dammek. With his eyes constantly covered by the aviators, it was difficult to say how much sleep the bronzeblood had been getting. Had he not been as hurt by the separation as Xefros? Maybe his friend was indeed no longer pale for him, after all, and hadn't been as affected. He shook his head, as if to shake the thought away, but it still loomed in the back of his mind.   
  
    The rustblood sighed. If it was true that Dammek was no longer pale for him, than that probably cancelled out the possibility of him being red for him either. Maybe the bronzeblood had been so pale for Xefros, that he had simply confused one kind of affection for another. That would explain the awkward and sudden confession, as well as why it had been so random.  _At least we're still friends. At least we're talking again._  
  
    Did that mean that Xefros had done the same? Had he confused one kind of attraction to his friend for another? He never really considered it. He had these strange feelings for the other troll, but was unsure about what to categorize them under. On one hand, he wanted the deep trust and companionship they once had; the close bond that moirails shared with each other. He wanted to be the one that kept Dammek in line, and vice versa. On the other hand, however, he was curious about what might make the other troll look his way. He had found himself feeling the strange urge to hold the other boy's hand, as though it was a second nature. He felt all cuddly and fuzzy inside and was beyond confused about it.  
  
    He just clung to the hope that maybe they could talk about it later, and that maybe neither one of them would start up the waterworks again.  
  
    Dammek called him into the respiteblock, sounding quite commanding at first, as if barking an order. He then cleared his throat and rephrased it as, "Hey, Xefros! Whenever you get a minute, you should come and see what I found."  
  
    Xefros walked into the respite block - carefully stepping around the mounds debris and damage that was scattered about, of course - and saw Dammek standing with his hands behind his back. He fixed his eyes behind Dammek, very curious about what the other troll could possibly find so important or exciting. The bronzeblood had thrown the items he intended to take back to Xefros's hive onto the floor in a pile, presumably in order to hold whatever it was that he wanted to show his friend. He wore an almost goofy smile, and it almost made Xefros uncomfortable, if not more curious.  
  
    "Um. Yeah?" he asked, arching a brow.  
  
    The other troll revealed the oh-so-mysterious object to Xefros, who let out a gasp. It was a copy of Deceased Swimming Receptacle, one of the first movies they'd watched together. It had the coolest stunts showcased within, and one of the best action-heroes Xefros or Dammek had ever been introduced to, Whayde Wilson, a gun slinging hero in red. Dammek had lost the movie a few sweeps ago, back when they watched movies together regularly.   
  
    Just seeing the disc cover flooded Xefros with so many happy memories from their childhood that he almost forgot they were older, now. He couldn't help but grin at his friend. "Bro.  _Deceased Swimming Receptacle?_ "  
  
    Dammek nodded. "I can't believe it survived all this damage. I mean, yeah, I'm really upset that my home is destroyed, but. Holy shit, dude. This guy - this is  _our movie._ "  
  
    Xefros felt his face grow warm. " _Our_ movie?"  
  
    The bronzeblood buffered before realizing what he had said. His face tinted just the slightest shade of brown. "Yeah, uh. Our movie. We watched it tons of times together, remember? Back when we were- um-"  
  
    The rustblood tried to seem nonchalant, but was failing because he couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, I remember."   
  
    Xefros watched his friend collect the items off of the floor, adding the movie to the pile. Wow, he was probably beaming right now, was he beaming? Yeah, ha, probably. He hoped Dammek wouldn't notice.  
  
  
\---  
  
  
    Dammek noticed. Dammek noticed, big time.  
  
    Had he really said that? Surely, there had to be a better way to phrase that, holy shit. He and Xefros returned to the other hive with the rest of his belongings in a sort of peaceful silence.  
  
    To Dammek's curiosity, the rustblood immediately walked over to his lusus and greeted it with a pat on the head. Slowdad raised its head to greet its charge with a friendly grunt, before settling back down, but not going back to sleep. The treetrudger's white eyes were fixed on Xefros as he continued further into the hive and up the stairs, leaving his friend alone in the room. The bronzeblood squinted at the sloth in an interrogating manner, his mouth forming a straight line, as though the creature could enlighten him about Xefros's sudden giddiness.   
  
    He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a sudden voice speaking from out of no where.  
  
     _Hiiim haaappy becaaause yooou. Hiiim waaant tooo kiiiss yooou.  
_  
    Dammek froze. Whomst the fuck had said that?  
  
    He looked around, panicking, trying to find the speaker, wishing he had that magnum right about now. Moving hurriedly around the living room, he looked behind all of the furniture, peeked his head around corners, but could find no one else. " _What the fuck?! Who's there?! Fucking hurt him and I swear I'll- I know someone's in here. Come out and fight like a man you-_ "  
  
     _Yooou nooot seeee meee? Meee biiig. Aaand tiiired. Meee riiight heeere. Siiilly troooll._  
  
    The bronzeblood jumped again, cursing under his breath. He slowly turned around and met Slowdad's relaxed gaze.   
  
     _Yooou fiiind meee.  
  
    _Xefros came bounding down the stairs in alarm. "Hey! Dammek, what's wrong?" The rustblood looked nervously at his friend, face full of concern. He had a cuebat in his hands. "Why were you yelling? Everything o-"  
  
   Dammek shook his head, pointing to Slowdad. "-He talks. What the fuck. Xefros, he fucking talks." He said, shakily, almost full of disbelief. "I heard it. I swear."  
      
    The rustblood looked from his lusus back to his friend, and cocked his head to the side. "No, he doesn't? Lusii don't talk, Dammek. Or at least not his species. Maybe a tropical squawkbeast of some sort - but not a treetrudger." He lowered the bat and leaned it on the wall.  
  
    Dammek ran his fingers through his hair. No, no. He definitely heard it. Taking off his aviators, he looked at Xefros. "Dude, I swear. Rebel's honor."  
  
    Xefros gave him a small smile and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Maybe you just need some sleep?"  
  
    Dammek stared at the lusus, as if pleading for it to make some sort of noise, to say something to justify his claim. It only blinked at him. He looked back to Xefros, desperate but without evidence. Begrudgingly, he straightened up and silently agreed. Xefros beckoned the bronzeblood to follow him up the stairs and disappeared into the hallway.  
  
    He cast one more gaze at the sloth, annoyed with it. With a grumble, he said "Great. Nice joke there, pal. I bet you think you're  _real_ funny, don't you?"  
  
    Dammek now felt dumb for talking to it and angrily turned away from the creature. As he started up the stairs, he heard a very faint reply.  
  
     _Meee thiiink hiiim waaant tooo kiiiss yooou._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE CHAPTER I WAS SO EXCITED TO WRITE AAAAA
> 
> beep beep lets go lets go
> 
> lemme know if you guys are still enjoying this story haha i know it's been forever since i updated it :'DD

Once inside his respiteblock, Xefros immediately insisted that Dammek take the recuperacoon. He felt it was the polite thing to do, since in the meantime, the other troll was a guest with an extended stay. Maybe he should just… give him the recuperacoon? Xefros never really used it anymore. Only on rare occasions, like when he really  _ couldn’t  _ sleep, which had… actually been more frequent lately. When him and Dammek hadn’t been in a good place, sleep had been a difficult thing to achieve when he had grown so numb to everything, even comfort.

 

“I get it, you’re just trying to be nice. I love that about you, but I think you should take it. I’ll camp down here on the floor or maybe out there with my lusus.” Dammek said, after taking a few painkillers that Xefros had offered for his injuries.. “I’ll be fine.”

 

_ I love that about you. _ Xefros frowned, walking over to the balcony door and closing it. It was getting chilly in here, with the wind blowing in. “No, it’s okay. I don’t use it much anymore, thanks to you.”

 

There was an awkward silence as Dammek shifted his stance, perhaps unsure what Xefros had meant by that, definitely unsure how to respond. Xefros cleared his throat.

 

“I mean that in a good way, you’re good. Thanks to you, I don’t rely so much on the sopor slime.” He offered a smile, though he knew that it didn’t visibly make the other troll feel any better. Saying nothing else, Dammek gathered some of his more casual clothes from the wardrobe and proceeded to the ablution chamber to change.

 

_ Dumb! That was a dumb thing to say, Xefros. You’re trying to take this up the ladder, not throw it all down into the fire. _

 

Wait - no. That wasn’t a dumb thing to say, no. It was only fact, and him stating it was not a mistake. Xefros had to remind himself that Dammek’s past actions were not his fault. He didn’t need to blame himself anymore - he never did need to blame himself. A few minutes later, Dammek returned in some clothes comfortable enough to sleep in, and seemed to have discarded his sunglasses somewhere. He carelessly tossed the dirty clothes into a corner of the room, at which Xefros cringed. This whole thing was going to be one hell of an experience. 

 

“Dammek, could you, um,” Xefros started, gesturing to the clothing. “There’s a basket downstairs for laundry. We can wash them tomorrow night, just let’s maybe, not… um…”

 

The bronzeblood only looked from the clothes and back to Xefros again, looking confused. Then, it must have clicked. “Ohhh. Okay, forgot, sorry.”

 

Without protest, the other troll gathered the dirty laundry and exited the room. Huh. Xefros had always struggled to get Dammek to respect how he liked his hive. Taking the opportunity to change, he found some clothes to sleep in and went to the ablution chamber. He wondered how and if this was all going to work. Dammek had a rebellion to direct, and without all of his stuff, how could he continue? Xefros sighed and looked at his reflection in the mirror. What were they going to do? What was  _ he _ going to do?    
  


Returning to the respiteblock, Xefros found the other troll sitting at the desk and on his palmhusk. Dammek looked up immediately and tried to get Xefros’s attention.

 

“Xefros, look what I found.”

 

Xefros figured, hey, maybe he’s looking up something on the news to see if there’s anything about a wanted troll who needs to report to a drone immediately so that he can be executed, like, yeah, that’s actually a possible news post at this point. It could also be that he’s communicating with the other tetrarchs to let them know that he’s still alive, and that he’d like to be let in on any new information. The thought also crossed Xefros’s mind that Dammek might’ve just wanted to show him something about the heiress; his obsession with her and all the speculation of her ruling was always on his mind, and it was often that he rambled on about the things he’d found online. 

 

Truthfully, Xefros believed it all, but he didn’t like dwelling on the awfulness of it. Like, yes, okay, his life and the lives of pretty much everyone else beneath a jade would be absolute hell eventually. There was a constant paranoia that death or enslavement would greet them soon, everyone knows that. Nothing new. It made no sense to Xefros why Dammek would depress himself with it all. Pointless.

 

He approached his friend for closer inspection of the screen. Xefros skimmed the words and immediately felt uncomfortable. Well, maybe not uncomfortable, just awkward. He read the title of the article that Dammek had pulled up out loud. “How To Deal With Quadrant Confusion And How To Assess Vacillation?”

 

Dammek nodded. 

 

He never thought that the other would be the kind to search for answers to those kind of questions online. Xefros thought only girls, and mainly the younger girls, for that matter, might look something like that up. Not Dammek. What the hell.

 

“I figured we could take a few minutes to talk about it? I don’t want everything to keep on being awkward.” The bronzeblood admitted. 

 

Xefros shifted his footing. “You don’t think that, um,” he hesitated, not wanting to shoot Dammek down, not trying to sound rude. He definitely wanted to discuss quadrants, but there were more important things. “Maybe you should start thinking about, um-”

 

“-the rebellion.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I have.”

 

Xefros perked up at that, glad that it could be addressed. “Do the other tetrarchs know you’re okay? Have they asked about you?”

 

Dammek shrugged. “They probably don’t know. Either way, I’m not abandoning my cause - our cause. That right there,” he pointed in the direction of his hive, “Is why we need a revolution in the first place. This is the kind of shit that only ever happens to lowbloods, and it isn’t right. We’re people, just as much as they are.”

 

Xefros stood in silent agreement. He shared similar ideals with his friend, but just lacked the bravado to say it out loud. “So, what about all of your files?”

 

The other shrugged again. “I’ll cross that bridge when the time comes. I don’t want to stress anymore about things I have literally no control over. I’ve spent my whole life doing that. Instead, I’m trying to just put forth enough effort to change situations that I do have a say in. Like how I interact with others. You know, better-ing myself. That’s why I wanted to talk with you about…” He gestured to his palmhusk.

 

Ah, right. Damn.

 

Xefros rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, taking a step backwards, trying to ignore the blush that he felt coming on. He avoided his friend’s gaze.  _ Just be casual. _ “What’s it say?”

 

He still couldn’t believe that Dammek had straight up searched online about this instead of just winging it like he did everything else. Dammek, unphased by the topic, it seemed, immediately began reading a few paragraphs of the article and informing Xefros of some of the main points. 

 

“See, it says that what’s happening here,” he motioned between the two of them, “is more common than you think. And that there’s nothing wrong with it.”

 

“Oh, really?”

 

“Yeah. It says that a common event is the…” he trails off, staring at the screen.

 

Xefros could feel the tension in the room. It was nearly the same tension as…

 

“A moiraillegiance failure.” Dammek finished.

 

For a few minutes, both were silent. Why was it so hard to talk about it; even still? 

 

Leaning stiffly on the wall and crossing his arms, Xefros searched for the right words.  _ Just say it, just talk about it and get it over with. _  “Well, if we’re laying everything on the table here, the site is definitely correct. We’re... not moirails anymore.”

 

Dammek, clearly pained from hearing Xefros say this, nodded quietly, still looking at his palmhusk. “Yeah… the past is the past, I guess.” He rubbed the back of his neck warily. “But I guess that’s the best thing about terrible, confusing endings, huh? There’s a possibility for new beginnings.”

 

“New beginnings.” Xefros repeated. Perhaps that’s what this was; this whole situation between them. Just a new beginning; without certainty, without full understanding. A shot in the dark void, an unknown territory that so few had happened upon. “Okay.”

 

“Burning question of the night is: where are you standing, quadrant-wise? I know it’s a terrible thing to ask. I know it comes across as insincere. But-”

 

“-I’m confused.”

 

Dammek looked at him. “Like, um, you know? (Nya) The whole red-black pale-ashen stuff? Where do you-”

 

Xefros shook his head. “No, no. That’s where I’m standing: I’m confused.”

 

Dammek, sitting up as though Xefros might offer an explanation, set his palmhusk on the desk to show that he was listening. The rustblood felt a blush grow on his face and turned his gaze away to stare out at the balcony. The sun was just a few moments from rising; the two of them should really be getting to sleep soon. 

 

“I mean, I’m still pale for you, I always have been, you know that.” Xefros explained. “But at the same time… I don’t know? It’s weird, and I’m sorry. It’s like I’m, um, red for you too. But an equal mix of both, neither one really outweighs the other anymore.” He trailed off, growing quieter as the sentence progressed.

 

“Anymore?” Dammek inquired, very interested.

 

Xefros just nodded but gave him no further explanation. He felt so out-of place; talking about feelings with this guy. It was foreign, even in the earlier stages of their moiraillegiance, feelings were always an awkward topic and were usually short, watered down feels jams. Right now, he wanted to just go and cuddle with his lusus. That was always very comforting, the soft fur of the sloth and the steady breathing almost always calmed him down, especially when he was younger.

 

“What about you?” Xefros asked nervously. He turned his face back in the other trolls direction. Dammek’s face filled slightly with color, and Xefros caught him discreetly glance down at his mouth before his eyes darted back to meet the other’s gaze. He felt the weird fuzziness in his chest and hated it just as much as he loved it.

 

“Um, I don’t know, either. I guess it’s the same thing you’re feeling.” He replied, fiddling with his palmhusk. “I’m just more frustrated with myself over it.”

 

The rustblood nodded in understanding. “What does it say about this kind of situation?”  _ Please say something about kissing, please say something about kissing. _

 

Dammek’s expression  changed from soft to annoyed. “Nothing. It says stuff like: if you’re both catching red feelings, a quadrant flip may be the best option. If one is red while the other remains pale, the best option is to salvage the moiraillegiance if possible. And if one is fully pale, while the other had mixed pale-red feelings, still salvage the moiraillegiance, et cetera, et cetera. It doesn’t have advice for a mix of both feelings on both sides. It only says that mixed feelings have a lower probability for any quadrant success, because both trolls are likely just confused, and should just discontinue association to keep things easier.”

 

Aw, fuck.

 

“Which… we are.” Xefros said, thinking out loud. “Confused. Does that mean…” He frowned. 

 

Wait. Was Dammek trying to relay a message that he wasn’t picking up on? More codes?  _ Oh god, more codes? _ He thought the whole codes thing... 

 

Was he trying to say that it’d be best if they just parted ways? Was he trying to find another reason to leave? Xefros wouldn’t argue with him about it if that was what Dammek chose, but it would hurt like hell. No, his anxiety was getting the best of him, that was all, that had to be all it was, right? 

 

“You don’t want to-”

 

“-Of course not.” Dammek cut in. “No, the opposite.” Xefros let out an unintentionally loud sigh of relief, which made Dammek laugh. “Okay, Xefros, I take it you’d rather us not discontinue association, then?”

 

The rustblood shook his head, no, and smiled, slightly embarrassed. “The opposite.” He would miss the bronze terribly if they were to ever cease friendship. They had been together for such a long time; Xefros didn’t know what life would be like if Dammek was completely not in it. Er, well, he did, and it was depressing, and bleak, and heart-wrenching; but that was behind them, now - and he had learned from the experience that it wasn’t healthy to rely so much on someone when they didn’t reciprocate; when they used your feelings to their advantage.

 

“Can’t get enough of me, huh?” Dammek teased.

 

Jokes? Messing around? It had been so long since they’d been comfortable enough to joke a little bit with each other. Xefros could definitely get used to this, again. It was nostalgic in so many ways; he felt younger all of a sudden and couldn’t stop the smile that plastered itself on his face. He laughed a confirmation and relaxed against the wall a little bit.

 

“I’ve missed this,” he admitted in a quiet tone. “Just being able to relax around you, like when we were younger. Even though things got a bit out of hand, I always knew, that deep down, you never really changed.”

 

Dammek’s entire vibe shifted from casual to tense. He dropped his gaze, fidgeting with his palmhusk again. “But I did change, Xefros. The younger Dammek was a better friend to you, and a better moirail, too. I want to be better again, I really do. I’m sorry.”

 

Xefros’s smile faded and he sighed quietly, deciding he might try and change the subject. “So, you’re the great animal whisperer, now?”

 

The bronzeblood closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, a smile forming. “Dude, I swear he talked.”

 

“He did?” Xefros asked, playfully mocking him. “He’s never spoken to me.”

 

“Well, yeah. You’re a burgundy. You guys aren’t known for all the animal stuff. That’s really more of a bronze thing,” Dammek began, looking seriously at Xefros. “And I mean. I’ve never heard an animal  _ speak back _ to me - not even my lusus. It was so weird. I can usually get a message or two through to Stagdad, but it’s not really anything powerful. _ He’s _ never even said anything in response to me.”

 

Huh, weird. Xefros knew that there was some probability for psychic abilities to be developed by Dammek, perhaps if he were a wriggler; but he didn’t know that they could just show up like that, out of the blue. Xefros had always been able to use his powers; he supposed he had just always known about them, deep down in his subconscious. He had started levitating things just a few days after escaping the brooding caverns, as though it were something he already knew how to do. Of course, over time, he had grown stronger, but not by much; and not at a fast rate at all, like Dammek had.

 

“What did he sound like?” Xefros asked, full of curiosity, moving closer. “What did he say?”

 

The other troll tensed up again, his eyes widening ever so slightly. “Uh, he, um…”

 

\----

 

Dammek could feel his face grow warm. 

 

“Uh, he, um… He had a deep voice. Which suits him, I think.” Dammek informed, trying to recall the details of the lusus’s telepathic voice, trying to lean back in the chair to look more comfortable, like he had nothing to hide. “He talked pretty slowly. Ha, fits him, right?”

 

Xefros nodded and smiled. “I’d expect that way of speaking from a sloth. Aw man, I wish I could hear him, it’d be so cool. What did he say to you? He probably asked you where I hide his treats, didn’t he?”

 

_ YEP! HE SURE FUCKING DID! _

 

“Yeah.” Dammek replied, simply, too simply, too casually, not cleverly enough. “Acting like some sort of barkbeast. What a funny guy, ha.”

 

Dammek’s eyes glanced for just a second at Xefros’s mouth, again,  _ again, _ embarrassingly, again. That was twice, now. A third time, and it was going to be obvious. He just hoped that the rustblood hadn’t caught on.

 

_ Hiiim waaant tooo kiiiss yooou. _

 

That was a ridiculous preposition. Slowdad was just screwing with him, that was all. He didn’t believe it for a second, because he wanted it  _ so badly _ to be the truth; but it couldn’t have been. Lowbloods don’t just get handed what they want; life didn’t work that way. That was too lucky of a mindset, and luck wasn’t something any lowblood could flaunt about like some sort of boast-worthy characteristic. It just didn’t work like that, not in this world that they lived in.

Xefros looked at him doubtfully. “Dammek?”

 

Stiffening at the sound of his name, the bronze only blinked in response.

 

With a sidelong glance, the other troll frowned at him. “What did he say? Was it something bad? You’re hiding something, I can tell.”

 

Dammek dismissed the accusation with a lazy shrug, crossing his arms and refusing to make eye contact. If he tried looking at Xefros agin, he’d only end up pining over kissing him again, like the flush-struck pale-inclined freak that he was, like the confused but sure soul that he happened to be.

 

“You don’t have to hide stuff from me, you know. I know I let you do it in the past, but-”

 

No. No, that was the limit. That was Dammek’s breaking point. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t furious at all, not at Xefros, not even at what Xefros had said. He just felt the guilt swell up inside of him and like a hijacker it convinced him to readjust his actions. He was _ not _ going to shut Xefros out about stuff again, he was not going to make him feel like he wasn’t anything, like he didn’t matter enough to know absolutely anything that Dammek could enlighten him on. Not again, he wouldn’t let Xefros dwell on how bad Dammek had made him feel; he didn’t want to upset the other troll any more than he already had in the past. 

 

He pointlessly loosened the collar of his t-shirt a little bit, in a state of nervousness. The shirt wasn’t tight around his neck. He wasn’t like, sweaty or anything. He was just running out of things to fiddle with at this point.  _ Come on, man, just say it, just talk about it and get it over with. _

 

“He probably had no idea what he was saying. He’s always so drowsy, you know? But um, he, uh, yeah - he probably was just being funny, or whatever - um…” Dammek stalled, faltering over his sentences. His nervousness was shining through brighter than the Alternian sun right now.

 

Xefros was having none of this. Nevertheless, he waited patiently, politely for Dammek to spit out the Sufferer-forsaken truth already. He was probably wondering what could possibly be that bad, like, are you fucking kidding me. 

 

All Dammek could think about right now was how ridiculously flustered this was making him, and what a waste of time it was. He was supposed to be cool. This was most definitely not what cool guys do. He could tell Xefros anything, there was no reason for it to be awkward, right? No reason to worry about it. This was Xefros.

 

He cleared his throat. “Alright, so I was kind of just thinking to myself, right?”

 

Xefros nodded.

 

“And,” Dammek continued. “Wondering why you were walking around so happily; what had put you in such an improved mood and all.”

 

_ Okay, here we go, here we go, here we- _

 

“And he answered me, like, out of nowhere. He said you were happy… because of me, or something? And that, you, uh, wanted to, um,” Dammek hesitated, growing quieter. “Wanted to kiss me, or something weird like that. He’s such a jokester, huh?”

 

“First of all, Dammek, you’ve never used the word ‘jokester’, ever,” Xefros said, laughing. 

 

He completely brushed it off, he didn’t even bat an eye at what Dammek had said. Dammek had been worried about nothing, great, just like always, just like the paranoid little-

 

“Second of all, he’s, uh,” Now Xefros had begun to quiet down. He shyly, but smoothly, advanced closer to Dammek, invading his personal space right now, probably well aware of this, actually, there was no way he could possibly be _ unaware _ of it. “He’s not wrong.”

 

The bronzeblood held his breath, afraid that if he made a single movement he’d be unable to hold himself back from closing the space between their faces, which happened to not be a very big space at all. All Dammek would have to do was stand up and take not even a full step, maybe half a step, with how close Xefros, who was leaning ever so slightly towards him, who would only have to make a half-step as well, in order to commit entirely to the crime.

 

All of his muscles screamed to make a move, yet he held himself in place, ignoring them just like he ignored any other authority that had ever given him an order; eyes not trained anywhere else but on the face before him. 

 

And then, there Xefros was, giving Dammek that small, cute smile that he loved so dearly, that he had fallen in love with from day one, that he would literally do anything for. He let the warmth in his chest fuel him, and he gave in, and it was worth it. In nearly the same synchronization, one troll stood while the other moved forward and they met in the middle. Suddenly, Dammek realized that the fuzziness this whole time had been longing, gross longing for this, for exactly this, and he didn’t understand why, and he could care less. 

 

His hands, gently placed on either side of Xefros’s face, reminded him that yes, Xefros was actually right here, and yes, this was happening, and yes, this was a good thing. 

 

If this was a new beginning, mark his words, he was going to see this story all the way through to the end, fully and entirely hooked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and yes yes i do plan on adding on to this, it's not over yet!! theres more i wanna write aaa


End file.
